I will not be having children in this life. I made that decision over 15 years ago when I met my husband. We both decided we didn’t want to have children and we made sure that it wasn’t going to happen.
It’s interesting because when I was still in my teens, I dated a guy who outright told me he didn’t want children. I was pissed off and we broke up because of it. I had never even considered the thought of not having children. But here I am with no kids and no plans for kids going forward.
I Always Just Thought I Was Going To Have Children
My dad used to always talk about how happy he was going to be when I had children. He would gush about babysitting them and spoiling them. He talked about it all the time and I never thought it wasn’t going to happen. It was a paradigm of life that I thought was a must, not a maybe. So, I would imagine having kids and how they would interact with my parents.
It wasn’t until I got my first dog in my early twenties that I realized I didn’t want to have children. I realized how big the responsibility was to take care of another being. And the responsibility of raising a child didn’t appeal to me in any shape or form.
I spent a few years struggling with the idea that I didn’t want to have children. I didn’t close off the idea, but deep down I knew that I didn’t want the responsibility.
All my friends had at least three kids by the time I was 25.
While I was struggling with the idea of having kids or not, I remember one of my friends telling me that I didn’t know what it was like to be a real woman because I hadn’t had kids. That stung me in a big way for some reason. It gigantically added to the belief that if I didn’t have kids, there was something wrong with me.
It seemed like everyone I knew believed that you were supposed to have kids and it was unnatural not to. And it really caused a lot of struggle for me.
Fortunately, I’ve always gone against the grain and usually made decisions based on my beliefs. For instance, I was a vegetarian when nobody else in my world was a vegetarian.
So, when I started dating my now-husband and realized that he didn’t want children either, my ability to choose what was in my best interest eventually won over my dad’s hopes and everyone else’s traditional beliefs around having children. I made the decision that whether we stayed together or not, I wasn’t going to have kids in this life.
The Only Issue I Have Around Not Having Children
I don’t regret not having children. But, sometimes, I do wish I would have given my parents grandkids. I’m their only child. I was their only hope for grandchildren.
But, that’s not enough reason for me to have a child.
My grandparents were awesome to me, even though they all died before I could fully appreciate them. And my parents likely expected to have the same relationship with my children that I had with my grandparents. But they have never said anything to me or have been upset about it around me.
In fact, when I told them that we were not going to have children, they mentioned that they had thought about that when they were first married too. For them, it didn’t seem like an option to not have kids and eventually they just did what everyone else in their family expected of them.
I’m grateful for that because I’m here. Although, I wish they would have felt like there was an option for them.
The Best Thing I’ve Ever Heard On Not Having Children
I’m just finishing up a quest on Mindvalley by Michael Beckwith, and in the last Q&A webinar he said this to someone who had asked about not having kids:
Everybody doesn’t need to have a baby. That’s an old paradigm. We don’t necessarily want to exchange genes anymore; we want to exchange genius.
It’s a great quote. He was talking about how there are enough people in this world now and having children isn’t something you need to do anymore.
If you don’t want children, but you are not sure if it’s the right thing to do, I hope that message inspires you a bit.
You don’t need to exchange your genes anymore. You need to exchange your genius and help give the children that were and are born into this world a safer and happier life.