My Experience Breaking Up With A Best Friend (And Why I Think It’s Sometimes Necessary)

I had one of those best friend relationships where you did everything together. And, I mean everything! We worked together and spent all our free time together. Even family functions were attended together. And we often slept in the same bed because we talked the night away. You would have thought we were in a romantic relationship the way we always needed to be beside each other, but it was just that we were so alike we enjoyed being together.

Best Friend Break Up

Sometimes People Grow Apart

After about 10 years of being inseparable, I started to think differently about life. She didn’t.

I wanted to go to college. She wanted to keep partying day and night.

I was becoming more compassionate. She was still making fun of people who didn’t fit into her mold of what was acceptable.

Smoking, drinking, and partying was starting to take its toll on me. She could still do all those things 24 hours a day.

I was not into fighting and arguing, and she did that with everyone, including me. Likely because I was starting to challenge some of her beliefs.

I started to take ownership over my life, and she kept blaming everyone but herself for where her life was. And, yes, that included me.

Her bitterness, anger, and negative viewpoint on life was taking its toll on me, and I was starting to dread seeing her.

Yes, we still had some moments of fun, but for the most part, her negative vibes were making me negative.

Putting Distance Between Us

I moved out and thought that the distance would help. But, it didn’t. She was pissed that I had moved out and so we still spent a lot of time together because I felt so guilty.

I really just wanted to be alone and start to get to know myself without her influence. I was starting to figure out that her energy was still affecting me in a very negative way.

I changed jobs, and that helped a bit. She wasn’t able to get mad at me for changing jobs because she understood that the job we were at was not very fun for me.

Eventually, I ‘Broke Up’ With Her And, Eventually, I Felt Happy

Once I had some distance from her, I realized that I needed to end our friendship. The fact is while I knew our friendship was not doing me any favors, I didn’t realize how much her energy was affecting me until I broke up our friendship.

At first, it was very hard. I felt guilty for ending our friendship. She called me and harassed me and wanted to become friends again. It was hard not to say ‘forget it’ and start hanging out again because she had been a constant part of my life for over 10 years. But, I knew that I had grown away from her, and I couldn’t pretend to be like the old me anymore.

Eventually, she stopped trying to put our friendship back together.

When she was out of my life for good – and I accepted that fact, I felt good about life. I was happy, positive, and hopeful! I didn’t have a constant negative energy in my life so I was able to listen to my own inner guidance system and be happy.

Sometimes Breaking Up With A Best Friend Is Necessary

If you feel like you want to break up with your best friend, sit down and write out the reasons. Are they valid? Do they have your best interest at heart? If so, then breaking up may be something you need to do.

Remember, breaking up with a friend does hurt. For me, it hurt worse than breaking up with any boyfriend from my past. She had been my closest ally for years, and it was hard to imagine life without her.

But, living the next ten or twenty years with a friend who drags you down is not worth maintaining the friendship. The chances of you changing your best friend into how you want them to be are just as low as the chances of you changing your boyfriend or girlfriend into who you want them to be. You can’t change other people.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that while all relationships are important to your life, not all relationships are long-term. Sometimes you get all you can get out of a relationship in a day, sometimes it’s ten years. But, when they start to become a hindrance to your happiness, you are not obligated to maintain the relationships.

You ARE obligated to take care of your happiness and health, and sometimes that means cutting out certain people from your life.

Take it from me, ending that friendship was one of the best things I ever did for my happiness. It gave me the ability to start walking on a different path with confidence, and it led me to where I am today. I found a great man, made new friends, and have been able to be the person I want to be.

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